Talaga Ba?

I can still recall James saying this about me: "Sometimes you just over-do it . You assume, you EXPECT! TOO MUCH!"

Time Has A Way of Healing

Holy Week. Holy Crap. Those times when the hate and pain succumb me to endless despondency, felt like having burned wounds smashed open day in day out. It's not the best feeling in the world (unless you're a masochist which I'm not) so I try hard to consign everything to oblivion. But still, the pain is too much that even a breeze of the wind gives a sting.

I gave my mind a break, left everything to the gentle hands of time. Little did I know that those hands slyly crawl up to the scabs and chafe them until it felt like the healing process needs to start all over again. My wounds are exposed for all the world to see so once again, I need to put them out of the way, keep mum about things that makes my insides want to flare up, and maybe try for the nth time not to let the pain show. Sadly, it has become a cycle too familiar that I know it so well. Too well it seems that it keeps haunting my thoughts.

They say time has a way of healing but maybe my time hasn't arrived just yet.

Far From A Typical Monday

It was a Monday, the most manic day of the week. I rode the train on my way to work and I can't help but notice how people around me are either very elated or too pissed off. Then it dawned to me that it was Valentine's Day. I opted to stay neutral and stayed on my usual Monday mood - devastated at the fact that it's yet another workday; enraged at the thought that the weekend unfortunately came to an end. I tried hard not to let the Hearts' Day hype get into my system.

Shit. Valentine's Day. I've been denying it but I don't know how I can possibly spend that day in the most normal, socially acceptable, and remarkable way possible.

As I sat there, a thought popped into my head. I dug my phone out of the pile of mess inside my bag, let it rest on the center of my hand and thought things over. I pressed a few buttons and I saw your name. I took all the pride I'm nursing just to take that big step towards happiness.

That, so far, is the best impulsive decision I came up with which I didn't end up regretting the next day, not even after a month has passed. In fact, with how things are going I think regret will never cross my mind. NEVER. :-)

Loving Monday for the first time,

Caught Up in Daydreams

Sitting on an unbelievably comfortable couch with a cup of coffee on my hand, thoughts of you suddenly crossed my mind. I sat there a little longer with my eyes fixed on the pantry doors. In a snap, it felt like the last quarter of 2009 all over again. It's like I'm anticipating you'll walk in any minute, sit beside me, then share your stories of how boring your day is/was/will be.

I had my entirety enveloped in that thought when the doors moved, and someone busted in. That unfamiliar person walked in with a face that is unbelievably cheery considering the fact that it's 3 in the afternoon. No one's supposed to be that alive during that dead hour of the day! I knew right then and there it's not you. It could never be you. You have this aura of ease, lax, and lethargy beaming all over you and it affects me somehow. He didn't have the same thing, I've never found someone else who does. So I stood up but I still had my eyes fixed on that stranger who dared to walk his way in my daydreams of you. It felt as though he invalidated your existence, like he's a giant hand trying to slap me with the reality that you're no longer around.

Hurriedly, I took off and brisk-walked my way back to my cubicle. Immediately, I opened my computer's monitor with the hopes of finding your name on my YM's list. Instead, I got more than what I hoped for. An instant-message, with the phrase I've been wanting to hear.




Then on, I knew I cannot be satisfied nor bothered by any more daydreams. One, two, ten, hundreds, or even thousands of people can try to get in the way of those daydreams but I could never care less. Reality's better anyway. :)

Believing dreams do come true,

Hope and Gratitude -- My Mind's Version of a "HAPPY MEAL"

When we are too scared of losing something, we end up really losing them because of the fear that we feel inside. Don't you notice that when you embrace the thought of a possibility, it suddenly turns into reality?

Breathing in day-in and day-out having that constant fear and doubt inside your chest won’t bring you any good. Instead, the presentiment of losing something spoils the beauty of having it. So instead of going about with your daily life trying to get a tight grip on something, try living a life filled with gratitude. Keep your arms wide open so you can embrace more possibilities and better things that might come your way.

If you fill your heart with love, high-hopes, and requital for what you currently have, there will be no more space left for fear and doubt to pervade. And since the mind has the power to make into reality all that it seizes, always fill it with good and positive thoughts. Have it encompassed with the notions of great possibilities. It's about time that you let your spirit soak in light-heartedness and the positive attitude of knowing your life will get better at any point in time.

Loss and disappointments are truly disheartening and the fact that they do exist does not help a bit in keeping your hopes up. But you should not let those things interfere with the good things that you will soon encounter. Never let negativity define your character. Instead, you can dote on each lesson learned and value each scruple that you picked up during every incident.

Sure, it is easier to let your selfdom wear the crown. You can do so and sulk in bleakness and hopelessness, or you can simply live in gratitude and let your spunk take charge.

Hoping you let gratitude fill your mind today,