The sweet aroma of home-cooked pancakes, that feeling when your sight grazed at something very visually pleasing, the scent of your lover, and the melodic cheer of a well-played instrument. Don't take for granted the simple pleasures brought about by your perception. Let yourself be drawn into the littlest of things, enjoy them in every way regardless if they intrigue you or bewilder you. Let nothing be foreign to your sagacity.
Embrace your liberty, the privilege to imagine then substantiate, the freedom to conceive and to make happen. Sure it cannot be taken away from you, not without your consent at the very least. But remember that these things are frivolous, that apathy can steal them away from you at any minute.
Those who love you, and those you love -- don't take them for granted. No, not even that waiter who went the extra mile to help you get that booth and park your car, not the security guard who holds the door open as you rush in to the office, not even your officemates who ask if you're okay after seeing your bloodshot eyes not knowing it's just because of the stupid contact lenses you're wearing. Their caring actions, no matter how sincere or seemingly insignificant they appear to you as a receiver, are not inconsequential. Be careful not to disregard them just because they seem too common which makes it easy for you to disregard how exemplary their actions are. Don't. The world is bland as it is and without the touch of humanity to brighten things up, life would suckingly suck.
The time someone asked if you were okay and eagerly listens why you weren't; the time when someone lets you soak their shoulders with your tears at the time you couldn't handle life very well; the time someone became utterly vulnerable before you just because they think you're worth the risk. Don't take this for granted, because they don't come to your doorstep in bulk. These genuine acts of love come when they come. They cannot be bought, nor saved later for the rainy days. So the best you can do is to appreciate them for what they are: flashes of moments that make you believe life is worth living after all.
Don't take for granted these small things -- like sipping on your favorite coffee blend with someone you can sit in silence with, having a pair of eyes you can look into and a pair of hands to hold on to when you can no longer brace yourself together. A comforting smile from a friend, a warm cushion that eases your body after a long day, and the gazillion stars shining down on you just when you feel that you are having the darkest night. Appreciate the people who accepts you and doesn't make you feel like you still have something to prove, those who comforts your soul with the simplest gestures, and those who make you laugh nonstop.
These little things can add up to something that is bigger of a deal, and such big things make up your entirety. Don't take these for granted for if you do, you end up wasting everything you thought you can never lose. And before you know it, you've deprived yourself of life's precious moments you are entitled to experience.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Self-Obsessed Birthday Monster
Even before radio and television stations start with their annual Christmas countdown, I've already counted off how many sleeps I need to get to my birthday. I'm not sure if most people feel the same way during their birthdays but I've always loved my birthday more than any other occasion. It's probably because of my self-centered nature that I also turn into a monster who keeps screaming "IT'S MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY", go out to treat myself to a decadent present, and rant about how I don't want to get older.
Another heck of a bummer about having a high regards for your special day is that your rather ambitious mind thinks people should echo the same exuberance. But when your birthday turns out to be a disaster, you sulk in despair and start questioning everything -- from you career down to the unforeseeable future. You eventually feel like your birthday is life's way of telling you "YOU JUST GOT OLDER BUT YOUR LIFE STILL SUCKS". However you try to avoid it, disappointment can stick like glue on this very day.
And the cherry on top of the proverbial birthday cake which I ironically did not have yesterday, is that no one gives each other gifts on their birthdays anymore. I mean, really? Gone are the days when people get the celebrator some flowers, a small piece of cake, or just a simple greeting card. I get that these times are hard and the world economy is suffering, but I also get that I want to feel special on my birthday. For just one day in a whole year. 1/365. Why doesn't anyone get that? Is it because people are not as narrow-minded as I am?
Damn, I'm too shallow. Sorry! *shows ever-so-powerful "It's my birthday" card*
Another heck of a bummer about having a high regards for your special day is that your rather ambitious mind thinks people should echo the same exuberance. But when your birthday turns out to be a disaster, you sulk in despair and start questioning everything -- from you career down to the unforeseeable future. You eventually feel like your birthday is life's way of telling you "YOU JUST GOT OLDER BUT YOUR LIFE STILL SUCKS". However you try to avoid it, disappointment can stick like glue on this very day.
And the cherry on top of the proverbial birthday cake which I ironically did not have yesterday, is that no one gives each other gifts on their birthdays anymore. I mean, really? Gone are the days when people get the celebrator some flowers, a small piece of cake, or just a simple greeting card. I get that these times are hard and the world economy is suffering, but I also get that I want to feel special on my birthday. For just one day in a whole year. 1/365. Why doesn't anyone get that? Is it because people are not as narrow-minded as I am?
Damn, I'm too shallow. Sorry! *shows ever-so-powerful "It's my birthday" card*
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Around 7 Months Ago
Around 7 months ago, I wrote some notes to myself and saved them in my email. I'm happy to have stumbled upon them today, and glad that whatever that's written on those notes still speak for what I feel at this very moment...
...and it'll stay that way, come hell or high water. :-)
Monday, December 5, 2011
Creative Juices
Like a flash flood, it's everywhere. Then it's gone.
Last night, it seems as though the dam that's holding in my creative juices broke down. I was home alone in our apartment, with lots of thoughts flooding in my head. I wanted to write down every single detail, every single idea, every single brainfarts.
And then I lulled my self to sleep. When I woke up, the slate was cleaned up. And I'm back to this state of oblivion, of nothingness.
Fkn procrastination.
Last night, it seems as though the dam that's holding in my creative juices broke down. I was home alone in our apartment, with lots of thoughts flooding in my head. I wanted to write down every single detail, every single idea, every single brainfarts.
And then I lulled my self to sleep. When I woke up, the slate was cleaned up. And I'm back to this state of oblivion, of nothingness.
Fkn procrastination.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Maybe. Maybe Not.
It's the seemingly harmless things that will nab you. It's not the lingering memoirs of what had happened in the past, but the swift glint of what is happening to you. It's that savage, desolating, tormenting thing that keeps afloat in the atmosphere; much like how JK Rowling described dementors, a soul-sucking demon that keeps wandering within your perimeters. Waiting until you are unconsciously vulnerable so it can graze your wound, waiting for that chance to give you that kiss of spiritual death. You don't want to, but you will get a waft of your denied reality thru meaningless statements and senseless claims. You feel like it has the capability to throw you hard until you smash your face down the floor, keep you held down, until you convince yourself that it is your new utopia. It lets you settle for second best, and just for the sake of feeling something you console yourself, believing the worst is over. And the moment you do, things will just get worse.
You're not sulking in the stream of denial. You have accepted it, but you refuse to stay drowned. Yet that thing wants to shatter what's left of you. It wants to drift you far away from your new-found seventh heaven, leading you to the prison with locks made from your afflicting sadness, whose guards are your unconquered fears. You just want to get away, but you can't. You simply can't. You start kneeling down, sit on one corner, idle. The next thing you knew, you just hit rock bottom and you can't get back up again because something's pulling you farther down, if that's even possible.
Or so you thought.
That thing does not have the power to hold you, nonetheless pull you down. It didn't drag you to the rock bottom. That's simply the place where you hid, thinking there's no other way but down that black hole. It may come in constant flashes, may keep you struggling to stand back up, but it can never hold you down. You are holding yourself down.
This bedrock is a place we've created for our coward, little selves when we get tired of fighting. We subconsciously make it up because we secretly want to be saved, we want redemption. We fall apart not because things are tearing us apart, but because we are always trying to demoralize ourselves. Guilty of the same strange ways, I guess I just enjoyed the thought of being able to bounce back up all in one piece. And once you abandon that sickening place, that thing you once thought strangled you will be contained inside your clenched fist. You will use it as the key to what's locking you down, and see it burst into flames shortly after. It will never be seen ever again, but you may hear its nonexistent footsteps everytime you feel the need for redemption. But there will be no chains, no locks, and no prison. Just the slight burn it caused you when it burst, but it will not hurt. But what if apparently, that hurt is the only thing that's holding you up? That without it, you'll just sink into non-existence?
Maybe pain is a lie; we say we're hurt when we get tired of the battle. Maybe it's what's left to account all the bullshit for. But then again, what if it's not?
You're not sulking in the stream of denial. You have accepted it, but you refuse to stay drowned. Yet that thing wants to shatter what's left of you. It wants to drift you far away from your new-found seventh heaven, leading you to the prison with locks made from your afflicting sadness, whose guards are your unconquered fears. You just want to get away, but you can't. You simply can't. You start kneeling down, sit on one corner, idle. The next thing you knew, you just hit rock bottom and you can't get back up again because something's pulling you farther down, if that's even possible.
Or so you thought.
That thing does not have the power to hold you, nonetheless pull you down. It didn't drag you to the rock bottom. That's simply the place where you hid, thinking there's no other way but down that black hole. It may come in constant flashes, may keep you struggling to stand back up, but it can never hold you down. You are holding yourself down.
This bedrock is a place we've created for our coward, little selves when we get tired of fighting. We subconsciously make it up because we secretly want to be saved, we want redemption. We fall apart not because things are tearing us apart, but because we are always trying to demoralize ourselves. Guilty of the same strange ways, I guess I just enjoyed the thought of being able to bounce back up all in one piece. And once you abandon that sickening place, that thing you once thought strangled you will be contained inside your clenched fist. You will use it as the key to what's locking you down, and see it burst into flames shortly after. It will never be seen ever again, but you may hear its nonexistent footsteps everytime you feel the need for redemption. But there will be no chains, no locks, and no prison. Just the slight burn it caused you when it burst, but it will not hurt. But what if apparently, that hurt is the only thing that's holding you up? That without it, you'll just sink into non-existence?
Maybe pain is a lie; we say we're hurt when we get tired of the battle. Maybe it's what's left to account all the bullshit for. But then again, what if it's not?
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Ako nang inlove. Bow.
The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends. It's when you have more playful moments than serious moments. It's when you can joke around, let each other have piggybacks, have unexpected hugs, and random kisses. It's when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. It's when you'll rather chill inside to watch movies,eat junk food, and cuddle than go out all the time. It's when you'll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. It's when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are.
The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends. It's when you have more playful moments than serious moments. It's when you can joke around, let each other have piggybacks, have unexpected hugs, and random kisses. It's when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. It's when you'll rather chill inside to watch movies,eat junk food, and cuddle than go out all the time. It's when you'll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. It's when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Amen
| God let me be his last first kiss. And from this day forward, his one and only. Thank you. Amen! |
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Why?
Because there's no reason not to. I cannot pin a substantial reason for me to hold back and snap out of the overwhelming emotions I am drowned in. Every cell in your being is nothing less than lovable.
Because I love how your eyes convey everything, yet they leave me clueless at how blessed can I possibly get to have those pair of eyes look at me. Your stare is warm yet piercing, as if it can get past through my vulnerability with just one look.
Because where you are is where my comfort zone is. I used to want to puke everytime people would try to explain that feeling of safety they have from someone because I haven't got a clue what it really meant. Now, I assume it's that feeling of being invincible to any kind of danger; that feeling when I know I can fall asleep while watching our favorite TV show and not worry if I'll get cold later on that night because I know you'll wrap a blanket around me. I usually feel fragile and as if I can break any minute considering how harsh the world is, but when I'm with you it's like I start being invincible again. If that's not what having that safe feeling means, then I don't know what else to account it for.
Because what I feel for you is probably what obsession means. When I was younger, I thought being obsessed means you love someone. I thought that if I start obsessing over someone, it also meant I'm starting to fall in love with that person. I thought obsession was just a phase, something a fan girl would feel for their favorite artist which leads them to saving their nicest photographs, and keeping all the memorabilia they can gather no matter how seemingly insignificant they were. It's crazy to think that right now my love and obsession is on the same page, working hand in hand. The obsession I feel, although erratic, makes me love you in a more permanent, stable way.
Because you are my best friend. I don't really get why some people hesitate to refer to their partners as their best friend. We both have our different sets of friends, we love them too but they belong to a different realm. I know we need those platonic friendships to be fulfilled, and since you're the best friend I have I need you more so I can be more fulfilled. (Okay, I'm starting to sound too needy) =))
Because we fight. We sometimes fight, but not because I want to prove myself right nor because you want to prove that you're on the right side of things. We fight and argue to make things better; because we see something that's dysfunctional and want to fix it before it makes more damage. We have some disagreements but all of them just proved that what we have can surpass any resentments.
Because you're harsh with me but you show how much you're willing to give up to make me feel better. I can't say that we have mastered the art of compromise, but I think we're on lvl99! You made me realize that a big part of being in a relationship means giving up control, and letting go of my brat tendencies. You're fine being unhappy about us watching that corny Tagalog movie, as long as you see me happy and you get to see Christine Reyes and Ann Curtis in their bikinis.
Because you made me write about these things. Can't you see what you're making me do? I'm behaving like a complete head-over-heels idiot but I don't give a shit about it. What we have is a reminder of how I can forget being self-conscious all the time. I can be a total bitch or a poor sappy girl, and not have it taken against me.
Because I can just use that "I'M SO IN LOVE" card and just have you at the receiving end, appreciating everything I'm saying -- no hesitations, no doubts, no questions.
Because I can tell you that I love you any time I want to, and you wouldn't even bother asking me why. And that is why I wrote this blog -- because I think you ought to know. You ought to know how blessed I feel for knowing someone gets me, sees all of me, and still takes all the crap. It's like buying something from the shop and taking it despite the cracks and dents, shouting a higher price to outbid the other takers. Then there, SOLD.
Because I love how your eyes convey everything, yet they leave me clueless at how blessed can I possibly get to have those pair of eyes look at me. Your stare is warm yet piercing, as if it can get past through my vulnerability with just one look.
Because where you are is where my comfort zone is. I used to want to puke everytime people would try to explain that feeling of safety they have from someone because I haven't got a clue what it really meant. Now, I assume it's that feeling of being invincible to any kind of danger; that feeling when I know I can fall asleep while watching our favorite TV show and not worry if I'll get cold later on that night because I know you'll wrap a blanket around me. I usually feel fragile and as if I can break any minute considering how harsh the world is, but when I'm with you it's like I start being invincible again. If that's not what having that safe feeling means, then I don't know what else to account it for.
Because what I feel for you is probably what obsession means. When I was younger, I thought being obsessed means you love someone. I thought that if I start obsessing over someone, it also meant I'm starting to fall in love with that person. I thought obsession was just a phase, something a fan girl would feel for their favorite artist which leads them to saving their nicest photographs, and keeping all the memorabilia they can gather no matter how seemingly insignificant they were. It's crazy to think that right now my love and obsession is on the same page, working hand in hand. The obsession I feel, although erratic, makes me love you in a more permanent, stable way.
Because you are my best friend. I don't really get why some people hesitate to refer to their partners as their best friend. We both have our different sets of friends, we love them too but they belong to a different realm. I know we need those platonic friendships to be fulfilled, and since you're the best friend I have I need you more so I can be more fulfilled. (Okay, I'm starting to sound too needy) =))
Because we fight. We sometimes fight, but not because I want to prove myself right nor because you want to prove that you're on the right side of things. We fight and argue to make things better; because we see something that's dysfunctional and want to fix it before it makes more damage. We have some disagreements but all of them just proved that what we have can surpass any resentments.
Because you're harsh with me but you show how much you're willing to give up to make me feel better. I can't say that we have mastered the art of compromise, but I think we're on lvl99! You made me realize that a big part of being in a relationship means giving up control, and letting go of my brat tendencies. You're fine being unhappy about us watching that corny Tagalog movie, as long as you see me happy and you get to see Christine Reyes and Ann Curtis in their bikinis.
Because you made me write about these things. Can't you see what you're making me do? I'm behaving like a complete head-over-heels idiot but I don't give a shit about it. What we have is a reminder of how I can forget being self-conscious all the time. I can be a total bitch or a poor sappy girl, and not have it taken against me.
Because I can just use that "I'M SO IN LOVE" card and just have you at the receiving end, appreciating everything I'm saying -- no hesitations, no doubts, no questions.
Because I can tell you that I love you any time I want to, and you wouldn't even bother asking me why. And that is why I wrote this blog -- because I think you ought to know. You ought to know how blessed I feel for knowing someone gets me, sees all of me, and still takes all the crap. It's like buying something from the shop and taking it despite the cracks and dents, shouting a higher price to outbid the other takers. Then there, SOLD.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Playing With Lights
Played with my camera, some Christmas lights, and some stuff I found at home. #bored
75 Wonderful Years
This day marks the 75th year of existence of my favorite grandfather. I cannot utter anything but gratitude to God for allowing him to enjoy 75 years of his life without any sickness or complications with his health, and he's still as strong as ever. He's one of the coolest, hippest gramps anyone could ever have. I love you, Wowo! :)
Monday, October 31, 2011
There's Always That One Kid
....who reminds you a lot about yourself. Jamie's that one for me, and it's pretty evident why. :))
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I Feel Disconnected
I don't have anything against the Internet, in fact I'm a huge fan of the convenience it brings and how it simply revolutionizes our way of living on a daily basis. Just for instance, I study my MA mainly through an online portal, I chat with my distant friends via YM, and Tweet about my day to day experience. However, I notice that I've neglected how dynamic and exciting the real world is just because I'm curbed in the ball of the world wide web.
The WWW is sometimes a big joke. With the advent of social networking sites, we are ironically being just a ghost behind our machines. It's fairly simple to bypass the usual avenues for interaction but now that it is very easy to keep in touch, isn't it ironic that we also stopped ACTUALLY keeping intouch? I think we really messed up. The easy and effective way for interaction presented to us by the Internet is obviously getting in the way of our active participation in actual communication. I'm saddened by the fact that I already forgot how incredible it is to make friends and staying friends with people in the real world scenario.
I miss those days when the only way to findout how your friends are doing is by calling them or having an actual conversation with them. Now, it's like you have no right to not be aware of the latest what-not's about your friends because they blog and tweet about them. And when given a chance to actually get together, you end up talking about that latest tweet they posted, that album they just shared in Facebook, or that blog they recently published. I, too, am guilty for this. Sometimes I run out of things to say because I feel like I've already blurted them out on one of my many "outlets". But hey, I miss that need for a constant connection in order to let a friendship flourish and dig the hole beyond the superficial layer. Because in this day and age, less and less things are sacredly and sincerely conveyed. Before, being friends with someone means hanging out all-night and exchanging stories, meeting up at your favorite pastry shop to share a slice of cake while sharing your frustrations. Now, being close friends only means replying to their tweets, liking their Facebook status, and commenting on their blogs. And right after clicking that "Tweet", "Like", or "Comment" button we feel as though we're good friends for not being too apathetic on what they posted.
So if we're friends and you like this post, please leave a comment or send me a Tweet!
The WWW is sometimes a big joke. With the advent of social networking sites, we are ironically being just a ghost behind our machines. It's fairly simple to bypass the usual avenues for interaction but now that it is very easy to keep in touch, isn't it ironic that we also stopped ACTUALLY keeping intouch? I think we really messed up. The easy and effective way for interaction presented to us by the Internet is obviously getting in the way of our active participation in actual communication. I'm saddened by the fact that I already forgot how incredible it is to make friends and staying friends with people in the real world scenario.
I miss those days when the only way to findout how your friends are doing is by calling them or having an actual conversation with them. Now, it's like you have no right to not be aware of the latest what-not's about your friends because they blog and tweet about them. And when given a chance to actually get together, you end up talking about that latest tweet they posted, that album they just shared in Facebook, or that blog they recently published. I, too, am guilty for this. Sometimes I run out of things to say because I feel like I've already blurted them out on one of my many "outlets". But hey, I miss that need for a constant connection in order to let a friendship flourish and dig the hole beyond the superficial layer. Because in this day and age, less and less things are sacredly and sincerely conveyed. Before, being friends with someone means hanging out all-night and exchanging stories, meeting up at your favorite pastry shop to share a slice of cake while sharing your frustrations. Now, being close friends only means replying to their tweets, liking their Facebook status, and commenting on their blogs. And right after clicking that "Tweet", "Like", or "Comment" button we feel as though we're good friends for not being too apathetic on what they posted.
So if we're friends and you like this post, please leave a comment or send me a Tweet!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I Was Peeing When I Thought of This
When the love you have is greater than the pain you feel, forgiveness happens.
Just like when the urge to pee is greater than your laziness, you walk to the comfort room and get things done and over with.
And I also remember reading in the past: Forgiveness happens when you give up hope that you can change the past.
Sometimes, enlightenment comes when I'm in the solitude of a cubicle. LOL
#forgiven
Just like when the urge to pee is greater than your laziness, you walk to the comfort room and get things done and over with.
And I also remember reading in the past: Forgiveness happens when you give up hope that you can change the past.
Sometimes, enlightenment comes when I'm in the solitude of a cubicle. LOL
#forgiven
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Serenity of Being in A Relationship
Disclaimer: If you're Lactose intolerant, your guts probably can't handle cheese so I'm giving you this chance to leave this blog and shut your browser down.
I know that blogging about being in a relationship looks as though I have nothing else going on in my life aside from it. But in my defense, let me just say that I only blog about the big leagues. So I relatively, I can proudly say that at this point in my life this relationship is the best thing that I have. The main reason why I can't juggle one too many things in my life is because I've been gladly spending quality time with someone. I usually can't show up on night-outs and dinners with friends because I am too busy curling up bed and watching my favorite TV series with him. You can take it against me, and I wouldn't care a bit. Some people question how we've been spending too much time together, and all my stubborn head tells me is that you can never get enough of a good thing.
I am feeling blessed to be doing the routines of being in a relationship. You know those things that usually seem like household chores only you do it out of love, and not just because you are asked to? Those are the exact same things that single people miss when they're out there in the playing field. And every day that I am given that chance to do my "girlfriend duties" implies that I have yet another day to spend with the person who means a lot to me. I cherish the intimacy that goes along with a relationship. It's like having someone around when there's an act you want to catch and a movie you want to see without having to convince your friends why you want to see that. It's having that person who knows your schedule and knows how to squeeze themselves into it. Always having someone who is more than willing to share your grief and gives you that comforting hug when you need it the most. There's the comfort in having someone whom I can hold for however long I wish to where no one feels awkward, and you feel that there's nothing better to do than hold him and you end up forgetting why you needed that hug in the first place. I love being deliriously happy about the thought of seeing him during office hours, and how a smile is automatically painted on my face as I see him stand outside that convenience store we marked as our meetup place.
All these and more made me appreciate the serenity of being in a relationship. When although a lot of challenges are brought about by committing, it is much better than having apprehensions of being single. Right now, my mind is conditioned into that state of contentment -- the thought that things can probably get better, but you already know what you have is the best thing there is and anything beyond that is a myth.
I know that blogging about being in a relationship looks as though I have nothing else going on in my life aside from it. But in my defense, let me just say that I only blog about the big leagues. So I relatively, I can proudly say that at this point in my life this relationship is the best thing that I have. The main reason why I can't juggle one too many things in my life is because I've been gladly spending quality time with someone. I usually can't show up on night-outs and dinners with friends because I am too busy curling up bed and watching my favorite TV series with him. You can take it against me, and I wouldn't care a bit. Some people question how we've been spending too much time together, and all my stubborn head tells me is that you can never get enough of a good thing.
I am feeling blessed to be doing the routines of being in a relationship. You know those things that usually seem like household chores only you do it out of love, and not just because you are asked to? Those are the exact same things that single people miss when they're out there in the playing field. And every day that I am given that chance to do my "girlfriend duties" implies that I have yet another day to spend with the person who means a lot to me. I cherish the intimacy that goes along with a relationship. It's like having someone around when there's an act you want to catch and a movie you want to see without having to convince your friends why you want to see that. It's having that person who knows your schedule and knows how to squeeze themselves into it. Always having someone who is more than willing to share your grief and gives you that comforting hug when you need it the most. There's the comfort in having someone whom I can hold for however long I wish to where no one feels awkward, and you feel that there's nothing better to do than hold him and you end up forgetting why you needed that hug in the first place. I love being deliriously happy about the thought of seeing him during office hours, and how a smile is automatically painted on my face as I see him stand outside that convenience store we marked as our meetup place.
All these and more made me appreciate the serenity of being in a relationship. When although a lot of challenges are brought about by committing, it is much better than having apprehensions of being single. Right now, my mind is conditioned into that state of contentment -- the thought that things can probably get better, but you already know what you have is the best thing there is and anything beyond that is a myth.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
She Used to Be So Sunny
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
It's not everyday that you find someone who can totally turn your world upside down. It's truly a blessing to have someone whom you can tell everything to – share stories you kept mum about with other person; someone who hears all your stories, absorbs every word you say and daresay want to hear more. You take time sharing your hopes for things out of sight, irreparable aspirations, goals seemingly beyond the bounds of possibility, and the whole bunch of crap life threw at you.
When something awful or phenomenal happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, because you know they will piece up with your demise or share your happiness. They are not ashamed to laugh with you every time you manage to make a fool out of yourself. Never do they aim to hurt your feelings or make you feel inferior, but instead they boost your morale and open up your eyes to the things about yourself that make you nothing short of special and beautiful. You don't have to make things up because they adore you for everything you are, and for everything you are not. Some stuff that seem petty to most people like a simple conversation, a love song, or a stupid joke becomes a prized memory you keep in the corners of your heart.
You feel like you're being transported back to your childhood because you're with that person who makes you feel like a child all over again and lets you see the world in a more saturated view where colors are more vivid, and the sun shines brighter than usual. You feel like there's no possible way to express the joy you feel, and happiness seems to be a usual state-of-being where before it only existed in the farthest tunnels of your mind. A simple SMS and a phone call during the day can help you get through an unbearable day at work.
You can finally embrace quietness without the fear of solace, with no need for constant babbling, because you find comfort and contentedness by simply having them around. There is no hint of pressure, not a dab of jealousy but only pure calmness. Things that you don't give a crap about suddenly seems interesting because you know how important it is to that person. Simple, day-to-day things can remind you of them and not even your closest friends can understand why.
You expose your emotions and open your heart out knowing it's possible that it may be trampled on any minute. But in letting yourself be vulnerable, you are letting yourself experience a joy you never dreamed possible given all the probable heartache. Then you'll realize that the only way to let your life be filled with real pleasure is to be completely vulnerable. You'll start to embrace the good kind of scare, including the good things that come with it.
If you happen to find that person, be thankful. Be thankful that they let you experience love, and all the good things that come with it.
Filled with Love and Gratitude,
IYA
When something awful or phenomenal happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, because you know they will piece up with your demise or share your happiness. They are not ashamed to laugh with you every time you manage to make a fool out of yourself. Never do they aim to hurt your feelings or make you feel inferior, but instead they boost your morale and open up your eyes to the things about yourself that make you nothing short of special and beautiful. You don't have to make things up because they adore you for everything you are, and for everything you are not. Some stuff that seem petty to most people like a simple conversation, a love song, or a stupid joke becomes a prized memory you keep in the corners of your heart.
You feel like you're being transported back to your childhood because you're with that person who makes you feel like a child all over again and lets you see the world in a more saturated view where colors are more vivid, and the sun shines brighter than usual. You feel like there's no possible way to express the joy you feel, and happiness seems to be a usual state-of-being where before it only existed in the farthest tunnels of your mind. A simple SMS and a phone call during the day can help you get through an unbearable day at work.
You can finally embrace quietness without the fear of solace, with no need for constant babbling, because you find comfort and contentedness by simply having them around. There is no hint of pressure, not a dab of jealousy but only pure calmness. Things that you don't give a crap about suddenly seems interesting because you know how important it is to that person. Simple, day-to-day things can remind you of them and not even your closest friends can understand why.
You expose your emotions and open your heart out knowing it's possible that it may be trampled on any minute. But in letting yourself be vulnerable, you are letting yourself experience a joy you never dreamed possible given all the probable heartache. Then you'll realize that the only way to let your life be filled with real pleasure is to be completely vulnerable. You'll start to embrace the good kind of scare, including the good things that come with it.
If you happen to find that person, be thankful. Be thankful that they let you experience love, and all the good things that come with it.
Filled with Love and Gratitude,
IYA
:(
I despise myself right now, really. I can't believe I'm turning into someone I couldn't even bear being. That's the last time I'll let other suffer for my own comfort. I've been asking too many favors and have been overly demanding. I don't like being such a heavy burden. :(
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Just like how David Sedaris Puts It
Me Talk Pretty One Day
- "When shit brings you down, just say ‘fuck it’, and eat yourself some motherfucking candy."
- "But that’s what fantasies are for; they allow you to skip the degradation and head straight to the top."
- "We lacked the ability to think for ourselves and resented having to admit it."
- "If you aren’t cute, you may as well be clever."
- "At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me."
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
- "Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive."
- "Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you’re in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can’t be thought of as cute."
- "Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto"
- "Look at yourself on the day that you graduated from college, then look at yourself today. I did that recently, and it was like, ‘Yikes! What the hell happened?’ The answer, of course, is life..stuff comes up. Weird doors open. People fall into things."
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
I'll Get There
I read somewhere that the past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased... it can only be accepted.
It's true that what happened in the past cannot be altered or be completely erased but after sometime, it can start to mean less, and hopefully be forgotten. For some, forgetting can come easily but unfortunately some people dwell on it a little longer than usual. It's heartbreaking to realize I am someone who lets the past linger on for a while. Based on my experience, forgetting comes after acceptance. I've tried, in every sense of the word, to understand and process things. One thing I may be doing wrong is resisting it; suppressing every hint of emotion that coincides with the past which is probably the reason why things keep resurfacing in my head. And since it will be very unfair to go around blaming people for my misery, I tend to keep everything inside. I don't want to be regarded as the bitter, weaker one. Unfortunately, things pop up in my head and makes me think how stupid I was and how vulnerable I allowed myself to be, and how easily shaken my core is. Since it succumbs me in a demeaning yet very subtle way, even I don't recognize how affected I still am. Until times like this occur. Times when I start questioning the things I believe in, wondering if I got the facts right or I'm still drowned in deceit. But my friend was right when she told me that I should not let things that I have no control of bother me. Sure she's right, but it's just that there are days when I don't feel brave enough to ACCEPT that things happen beyond my control. Maybe it's because of my stupid pride or because something inside me died that day. Whatever that is, I know I can understand, accept, and overcome it. I just need a little bit more time. :)
Accept the past as past without denying it or discarding it. Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. -- Tuesdays with Morrie #notetoself
It's true that what happened in the past cannot be altered or be completely erased but after sometime, it can start to mean less, and hopefully be forgotten. For some, forgetting can come easily but unfortunately some people dwell on it a little longer than usual. It's heartbreaking to realize I am someone who lets the past linger on for a while. Based on my experience, forgetting comes after acceptance. I've tried, in every sense of the word, to understand and process things. One thing I may be doing wrong is resisting it; suppressing every hint of emotion that coincides with the past which is probably the reason why things keep resurfacing in my head. And since it will be very unfair to go around blaming people for my misery, I tend to keep everything inside. I don't want to be regarded as the bitter, weaker one. Unfortunately, things pop up in my head and makes me think how stupid I was and how vulnerable I allowed myself to be, and how easily shaken my core is. Since it succumbs me in a demeaning yet very subtle way, even I don't recognize how affected I still am. Until times like this occur. Times when I start questioning the things I believe in, wondering if I got the facts right or I'm still drowned in deceit. But my friend was right when she told me that I should not let things that I have no control of bother me. Sure she's right, but it's just that there are days when I don't feel brave enough to ACCEPT that things happen beyond my control. Maybe it's because of my stupid pride or because something inside me died that day. Whatever that is, I know I can understand, accept, and overcome it. I just need a little bit more time. :)
Accept the past as past without denying it or discarding it. Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. -- Tuesdays with Morrie #notetoself
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Appreciate, Acknowledge, and Be Grateful
I think at one point in our lives, we meet people and know right there and then that they are destined to be a part of your life. For whatever reason, and through seemingly bizarre ways, they can affect your life in a very remarkable way -- maybe to help you sort your life out; to give you significant realizations; or to help you be the best person you can possibly be. That goes to show that everyone we meet, even a stranger, can make a huge impact in our lives.
But how exactly can we be thankful to those people who caused us pain and misery? That invariable hurt can make us neglect all the possible lessons we can learn from the heartache, the disappointment, and the horrible exprience. But if you look closely, you will realize that if it weren't for them, you would have never reached your full potential, measured how strong you really are, and how much of life's setback you can handle. It's only upon the realization that things happen to benchmark your limits and stretch your soul's capability to triumph that you can find joy over your mishaps. Here's how a line from Bob Dylan's song puts it:
So if someone betrayed you, forgive them for they have taught you a valuable lesson about trust. If someone crashed your heart to pieces, be thankful for you have learned how to guard your heart. If someone hurts you, forgive them for they made you realize how strong you really are. The pain and the battlescars will eventually set off as a reminder of how well you fought.
If you know someone trusts you, be thankful because they are teaching you how to live your life upright. If someone loves you, be thankful because they are teaching you how to let someone in and they are opening up your eyes to the things unseen. If someone makes you happy, be thankful because they make you appreciate the beauty of life a little bit more. The joy and bliss can help you nurse the pain drawn to you, and they will serve as a reminder that life is worth fighting for.
So appreciate every little things in life, and acknowledge the unique experiences people give you. Be open to all the possibilities, all the heartbreaks, and all the lessons. Above everything else, just be thankful. PERIOD.
But how exactly can we be thankful to those people who caused us pain and misery? That invariable hurt can make us neglect all the possible lessons we can learn from the heartache, the disappointment, and the horrible exprience. But if you look closely, you will realize that if it weren't for them, you would have never reached your full potential, measured how strong you really are, and how much of life's setback you can handle. It's only upon the realization that things happen to benchmark your limits and stretch your soul's capability to triumph that you can find joy over your mishaps. Here's how a line from Bob Dylan's song puts it:
In my own take, perhaps the bitter things are the most piercing but makes the biggest impact in our lives. Everything in this world can be learned from -- both our victories and downfalls. Without the harsh things we experience, we can never truly appreciate the good things that are coming our way."Behind every beautiful thing, there's been some kind of pain."
So if someone betrayed you, forgive them for they have taught you a valuable lesson about trust. If someone crashed your heart to pieces, be thankful for you have learned how to guard your heart. If someone hurts you, forgive them for they made you realize how strong you really are. The pain and the battlescars will eventually set off as a reminder of how well you fought.
If you know someone trusts you, be thankful because they are teaching you how to live your life upright. If someone loves you, be thankful because they are teaching you how to let someone in and they are opening up your eyes to the things unseen. If someone makes you happy, be thankful because they make you appreciate the beauty of life a little bit more. The joy and bliss can help you nurse the pain drawn to you, and they will serve as a reminder that life is worth fighting for.
So appreciate every little things in life, and acknowledge the unique experiences people give you. Be open to all the possibilities, all the heartbreaks, and all the lessons. Above everything else, just be thankful. PERIOD.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Delusions
So last night, there I was, giving out love and relationship advices I didn't even know that I know. Even I am surprised to hear myself talk to them about how to not just make a relationship last, but how to not let it end.
I remember telling them that to keep the relationship and stick to your commitment, both should be delusional. Delusional in a sense that they won't let the insignificant things taint the relationship, nor be a threat to end it. They argued with me at how being too delusional can lead you to eventually fooling yourself. I didn't mean it that way. I refer to delusions as just remembering what you loved in that person so at the time when changes start to paint in, the love you have for them won't be drawn out of the picture. It's really just a matter of believing that buried deep inside that whole new being is the same person you adore.
Another thing I had to emphasize is the importance of lowering down their expectations. I didn't say "settle for second best and just live with what's right in front of you", I simply wanted them to stick closely to reality. It's because I think that wanting something (or someone for that matter) desperately or hoping for it relentlessly can put their lives in a trance. When we expect too much and live within those expectations, we tend to conceive something more than what reality can provide. It's not so wise to dwell in fantasy because real people don't exist in fantasies. And these fantasies can, in turn, beseech for us the impossibilities we can't handle if we're drowned in our expectations. The world condemns such irrational frivolity through disappointments.
Combining delusions with lowered expectations can get tricky, but that's how it works (in my opinion). So I think the secret lies on knowing when to forget things, and when to not notice them in the first place. Sometimes, you have to fool yourself, because otherwise you will just be fooling yourself that you're trying to make things work. It's one thing to keep the commitment because you love each other, and another to keep the commitment DESPITE anything. I believe that a relationship fails not because unfavorable things happen, but because someone stopped trying to make it work. Remember: It takes two to tango.
Luckily for me, our relationship works because (1) we both want to make it work, (2) there are no inhibitions whatsoever, and (3) we're awesome like that. LOL. Just kidding. But yeah, we're awesome :)))))
I remember telling them that to keep the relationship and stick to your commitment, both should be delusional. Delusional in a sense that they won't let the insignificant things taint the relationship, nor be a threat to end it. They argued with me at how being too delusional can lead you to eventually fooling yourself. I didn't mean it that way. I refer to delusions as just remembering what you loved in that person so at the time when changes start to paint in, the love you have for them won't be drawn out of the picture. It's really just a matter of believing that buried deep inside that whole new being is the same person you adore.
Another thing I had to emphasize is the importance of lowering down their expectations. I didn't say "settle for second best and just live with what's right in front of you", I simply wanted them to stick closely to reality. It's because I think that wanting something (or someone for that matter) desperately or hoping for it relentlessly can put their lives in a trance. When we expect too much and live within those expectations, we tend to conceive something more than what reality can provide. It's not so wise to dwell in fantasy because real people don't exist in fantasies. And these fantasies can, in turn, beseech for us the impossibilities we can't handle if we're drowned in our expectations. The world condemns such irrational frivolity through disappointments.
Combining delusions with lowered expectations can get tricky, but that's how it works (in my opinion). So I think the secret lies on knowing when to forget things, and when to not notice them in the first place. Sometimes, you have to fool yourself, because otherwise you will just be fooling yourself that you're trying to make things work. It's one thing to keep the commitment because you love each other, and another to keep the commitment DESPITE anything. I believe that a relationship fails not because unfavorable things happen, but because someone stopped trying to make it work. Remember: It takes two to tango.
Luckily for me, our relationship works because (1) we both want to make it work, (2) there are no inhibitions whatsoever, and (3) we're awesome like that. LOL. Just kidding. But yeah, we're awesome :)))))
The Perfect World Does Exist
Last night was nothing extraordinary, except it was anything but ordinary. For me, at least. It happened when I, together with two of my officemates, grabbed a couple of beers before heading home. I guess it's predictable how our talks would turn out so I expected it will all be about work stuff and some personal things that might be bothering us. I'm not sure how we got to that point but we ended up talking about our personal lives with so much interest, passion, and enthusiasm.
You see, both of them are currently single but they had their share of fucked up relationships too. I actually had a hard time trying to talk the bitterness out of them since they concluded I can only see the good side of things because, like what one of them said, "you are in the perfect world".
To make them listen to me, I had to convince them otherwise and let my issues out. So I told them how uncomfortable I am that I'm feeling down whenever my boyfriend isn't around. I hate how needy I am and how overly-dependent I am turning out. I explained that no matter how great my day was, when I don't get to be with him at night to tell him how my day went, I get cranky; and that when my day is all fucked up, just the mere sight of him can make every bad thing that happened that day seem insignificant. I didn't mean to sound so cheesy and inlove, but I guess that's how they heard it. They even told me how that is what's supposed to happen "in the perfect world". So still, they won't take my crap. They deem me as someone who is not in the position to tell them that relationships are really terrifying, because they don't see me struggle. I just wanted to let them know that although it can scare the shit out of you, relationships are worth every little crappy thing you give up to keep it.
After hours of babbling, I got exhausted trying to get some positivity in their heads. But somehow, it felt good. It felt good knowing that I can finally tell people how wonderful it is to be in a relationship, like there's nothing to be afraid of. Perhaps I'm just really blessed to be talking about these things but last night was a very liberating experience for me. I'm not saying that I am in a perfect relationship because perhaps on how the world interprets a "perfect relationship", we may be far from that.
But as far as I'm concerned, in my own personal standards, I am in my happy place and that even things suck up sometimes, this is still my "perfect world". So on my way home, I can't help but smile. I am overflowing with that joy of knowing how blessed I am; of how things couldn't get any better than this; of how every relationship I pursued in the past could never ever compare to what I have right now; of how finally, I'm with that person tailor-made for me.
You see, both of them are currently single but they had their share of fucked up relationships too. I actually had a hard time trying to talk the bitterness out of them since they concluded I can only see the good side of things because, like what one of them said, "you are in the perfect world".
To make them listen to me, I had to convince them otherwise and let my issues out. So I told them how uncomfortable I am that I'm feeling down whenever my boyfriend isn't around. I hate how needy I am and how overly-dependent I am turning out. I explained that no matter how great my day was, when I don't get to be with him at night to tell him how my day went, I get cranky; and that when my day is all fucked up, just the mere sight of him can make every bad thing that happened that day seem insignificant. I didn't mean to sound so cheesy and inlove, but I guess that's how they heard it. They even told me how that is what's supposed to happen "in the perfect world". So still, they won't take my crap. They deem me as someone who is not in the position to tell them that relationships are really terrifying, because they don't see me struggle. I just wanted to let them know that although it can scare the shit out of you, relationships are worth every little crappy thing you give up to keep it.
After hours of babbling, I got exhausted trying to get some positivity in their heads. But somehow, it felt good. It felt good knowing that I can finally tell people how wonderful it is to be in a relationship, like there's nothing to be afraid of. Perhaps I'm just really blessed to be talking about these things but last night was a very liberating experience for me. I'm not saying that I am in a perfect relationship because perhaps on how the world interprets a "perfect relationship", we may be far from that.
But as far as I'm concerned, in my own personal standards, I am in my happy place and that even things suck up sometimes, this is still my "perfect world". So on my way home, I can't help but smile. I am overflowing with that joy of knowing how blessed I am; of how things couldn't get any better than this; of how every relationship I pursued in the past could never ever compare to what I have right now; of how finally, I'm with that person tailor-made for me.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Subsumed in ruthless certainties and obscure fallacies,
She knows things she can never transgress nor ever surmise
Yet unwilling to stick to the quintessential and continuous,
She refuses to retreat from the perils of what is suspicious
Straying away from truths born out of antecedental expectations,
She enjoys the chaos, perplexities, and digressions
Not a mere perceiver of realities nor a spectator of absolutes,
She bares her own truths then finds her own verities
She knows things she can never transgress nor ever surmise
Yet unwilling to stick to the quintessential and continuous,
She refuses to retreat from the perils of what is suspicious
Straying away from truths born out of antecedental expectations,
She enjoys the chaos, perplexities, and digressions
Not a mere perceiver of realities nor a spectator of absolutes,
She bares her own truths then finds her own verities
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Trinket of Metamorphosis
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Did We Make The Same Choice?
Like everyone else, I know I was born to pave my own path in this lifetime. I make turns and a few stop overs, and somewhere along the way, I come across people going about with their own sojourns. I stop by at several intersections of life with hopes of meeting that person who will traverse the same path as mine, only to realize they have a path of their own.
No, I can't force him to go along with me because he's a nonconformist himself. I, on the other hand, conformed to being a nonconformist, won't consider changing track. Would Irather let it go and stay lone on my entire wayfaring, or do we set out a new boulevard for the both of us to wander?
I've made a choice. Something I'd stick to for my entire lifetime: Off we'll wander. Hand in hand. Down this beaten track. We're gonna make it. :-)
No, I can't force him to go along with me because he's a nonconformist himself. I, on the other hand, conformed to being a nonconformist, won't consider changing track. Would Irather let it go and stay lone on my entire wayfaring, or do we set out a new boulevard for the both of us to wander?
I've made a choice. Something I'd stick to for my entire lifetime: Off we'll wander. Hand in hand. Down this beaten track. We're gonna make it. :-)
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Joy Times Two
We have but a short life, but we can always make every moment count double. Because when you make someone happy, you're subtly extending your life thru that other person's life. And more than just seeing someone be happy, I prefer making someone happy with my own little-and-sometimes-silly ways.
Believing joy multiplies when shared,
Believing joy multiplies when shared,
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Truths That Killed My Paranoia
Knowing that we have a strong foundation that cannot be easily shaken; that there's an invariable reason why we've been led to believe everything we consider to be real; that things can last beyond forever because we can choose to not put an end to it; that something we're holding on to is worth all the bruises we get from gripping tight; and that it is possible to endlessly cherish the things without the fear of losing any of it is keeping me together. It is keeping us together. We can keep us together.
#wecanmakeithappen
#wecanmakeithappen
Pardon My Paranoia
The thought alone of the possibility that everything you built can easily fall apart; everything you believed to be real turned out as nothing but prevarications; one thing you knew would last forever can end any minute; something you're holding on to can yeply snap; all things you dote on can probably turn to bygones is f*cking up with my sanity. It is killing me.
#whateverhappenedtounconditionallove
#whateverhappenedtounconditionallove
Monday, June 20, 2011
Where Do You Fall Under?
To not be afraid of losing someone means either (1) You are absolutely secured about everything that's going on between you and you're certain that nothing and no one can keep you apart. (2) You plain don't care because you always knew at the back of your mind how you've always been better than the other, and it's not your loss if you end up losing him/her. (3) You think singlehood has always been your higher calling and you're willing to give everything up for another dip in the pool of freedom. #justathought
Just sharing my two-cents,
Just sharing my two-cents,
#stopburstingyourownbubbles
Really? Do you ruin the lovely and endearing things you see and feel by fervently digging out the things you don't like? #notanotetomyself
Friday, June 17, 2011
Experimental Wayfaring
I. PROBLEM : Going After My Dreams
II. PROCEDURE
V. CONCLUSION
We are only as big as our imagination. So if we can dream it, we can turn it into reality.
#notetoself Enough with the talk. Act NOW.
PS Nasulat ko to dahil naffrustrate na ako kasi gusto ko talagang maging ninja! LOL.
II. PROCEDURE
- I look back and really think hard of what I want to do and what I dream of.
- I catch myself wondering what kept me from actually doing what I wanted to do, and from achieving what I dream of.
- Come up with an answer and have fear or discouragement as the ballpark figure.
- Be disheartened then ask myself: “Am I ever going to reach it? How do I know if I’m headed towards the right path or if I’m going after the right objective? Do I just settle for second best?”
- Go back to Step 1. Repeat until depressed.
III. DATA/FINDINGS
I want to get away from such cycle. I so long wanted to feel a sense of satisfaction in ALL aspects of my life. I’ve been trying to figure out what keeps me from succeeding until I realized that I’m letting fear or discouragement get in the way – which means this battle is against no one else but me.
IV.HYPOTHESIS
I need to bypass the usual propensity to adhere with what is typical. I am not trying to brag or anything, but I maybe I am destined to reach the greater heights. How will I know if I won’t try?
We are only as big as our imagination. So if we can dream it, we can turn it into reality.
#notetoself Enough with the talk. Act NOW.
PS Nasulat ko to dahil naffrustrate na ako kasi gusto ko talagang maging ninja! LOL.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
It's Not Like The Movies
Because ours is way better than those romantic stories which can be pretty much summed up in a 120-minute film reel.
I have seen countless mushy flicks and have read novels that left me starry-eyed because of how seemingly Utopian every scene is. Somehow, I have them to blame for my surmise of how relationships should be like. Admit it or not we've all been through this stage where in our pursuit of the perfect movie-like romance, we tend to neglect or overlook something far more rare -- the mainstream love.
Little by little, I'm learning that a seemingly ordinary love story which wouldn't count as a box-office romantic movie actually makes a wonderful relationship. Even though he can't pick me up from work every single day, I know he waits until I reach home safely. We may not eat every meal together, but I know that even before he reaches out for his food he wonders if I already ate mine. He can't be with me physically 24/7, but I know I'm somewhere in his mind 25/8. He may not express it through songs or poems but every chance he gets, he makes sure that I hear those three little words from him. Now, that's something! In movies, those words won't come up until halfway through the film or sadly for some, it comes up too late. But luckily for me, my day starts and ends with those words -- words that usually cue the climax of most movies. What movies have for just 2 hours is unfolding in my life every single day. I must be lucky.
I'm not saying that there are no efforts or attempts to make our love top or even tie up with that from The Notebook or any other mushy flicks. Every now and then, he cooks up certain surprises. I know that he doesn't intend to but usually, he leaves me feeling all cheesy and dreamy. Well, I'm proud to say that not a single butterfly died. In fact, they still act untamed and continues with their rampant dancing inside my tummy every time I see or even think of him.
As mundane as it may seem, this everyday love drawn from his little gestures of affection and subtle ways of endearment makes everything feel better than the movies. Why? Because this is reality. I am really loved.
Digging the mainstream love,
Little by little, I'm learning that a seemingly ordinary love story which wouldn't count as a box-office romantic movie actually makes a wonderful relationship. Even though he can't pick me up from work every single day, I know he waits until I reach home safely. We may not eat every meal together, but I know that even before he reaches out for his food he wonders if I already ate mine. He can't be with me physically 24/7, but I know I'm somewhere in his mind 25/8. He may not express it through songs or poems but every chance he gets, he makes sure that I hear those three little words from him. Now, that's something! In movies, those words won't come up until halfway through the film or sadly for some, it comes up too late. But luckily for me, my day starts and ends with those words -- words that usually cue the climax of most movies. What movies have for just 2 hours is unfolding in my life every single day. I must be lucky.
I'm not saying that there are no efforts or attempts to make our love top or even tie up with that from The Notebook or any other mushy flicks. Every now and then, he cooks up certain surprises. I know that he doesn't intend to but usually, he leaves me feeling all cheesy and dreamy. Well, I'm proud to say that not a single butterfly died. In fact, they still act untamed and continues with their rampant dancing inside my tummy every time I see or even think of him.
As mundane as it may seem, this everyday love drawn from his little gestures of affection and subtle ways of endearment makes everything feel better than the movies. Why? Because this is reality. I am really loved.
Digging the mainstream love,
Sunday, June 12, 2011
I can barely stand 2 chapters of my book, can hardly compose a paragraph for my school paper that is due next week, and getting updates about the fishkill incident (the topic for my DEVC class) gets dragging.
How am I supposed to get through this semester if I keep procrastinating and neglecting my responsibilities? Let alone finish all four semesters with good grades? This is not the version of me I like.
Needing to pick my game up,
How am I supposed to get through this semester if I keep procrastinating and neglecting my responsibilities? Let alone finish all four semesters with good grades? This is not the version of me I like.
Needing to pick my game up,
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Dreams Come True Everyday
Mouth: Take a look at yourself in a mirror who do you see looking back?
Haley: Is it the person you want to be?
Dan: Or is there someone else you were meant to be but fell short of?
Mia: Is someone telling you you can’t or won’t? Because you can.
Chase: Believe that love is out there.
Nathan: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Peyton: Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.
Julian: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Brooke: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Peyton: So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that.
Lucas: And believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Haley: Is it the person you want to be?
Dan: Or is there someone else you were meant to be but fell short of?
Mia: Is someone telling you you can’t or won’t? Because you can.
Chase: Believe that love is out there.
Nathan: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Peyton: Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.
Julian: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Brooke: Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Peyton: So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that.
Lucas: And believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Talaga Ba?
I can still recall James saying this about me: "Sometimes you just over-do it . You assume, you EXPECT! TOO MUCH!"
Time Has A Way of Healing
Holy Week. Holy Crap. Those times when the hate and pain succumb me to endless despondency, felt like having burned wounds smashed open day in day out. It's not the best feeling in the world (unless you're a masochist which I'm not) so I try hard to consign everything to oblivion. But still, the pain is too much that even a breeze of the wind gives a sting.
I gave my mind a break, left everything to the gentle hands of time. Little did I know that those hands slyly crawl up to the scabs and chafe them until it felt like the healing process needs to start all over again. My wounds are exposed for all the world to see so once again, I need to put them out of the way, keep mum about things that makes my insides want to flare up, and maybe try for the nth time not to let the pain show. Sadly, it has become a cycle too familiar that I know it so well. Too well it seems that it keeps haunting my thoughts.
They say time has a way of healing but maybe my time hasn't arrived just yet.
I gave my mind a break, left everything to the gentle hands of time. Little did I know that those hands slyly crawl up to the scabs and chafe them until it felt like the healing process needs to start all over again. My wounds are exposed for all the world to see so once again, I need to put them out of the way, keep mum about things that makes my insides want to flare up, and maybe try for the nth time not to let the pain show. Sadly, it has become a cycle too familiar that I know it so well. Too well it seems that it keeps haunting my thoughts.
They say time has a way of healing but maybe my time hasn't arrived just yet.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Far From A Typical Monday
It was a Monday, the most manic day of the week. I rode the train on my way to work and I can't help but notice how people around me are either very elated or too pissed off. Then it dawned to me that it was Valentine's Day. I opted to stay neutral and stayed on my usual Monday mood - devastated at the fact that it's yet another workday; enraged at the thought that the weekend unfortunately came to an end. I tried hard not to let the Hearts' Day hype get into my system.
Shit. Valentine's Day. I've been denying it but I don't know how I can possibly spend that day in the most normal, socially acceptable, and remarkable way possible.
As I sat there, a thought popped into my head. I dug my phone out of the pile of mess inside my bag, let it rest on the center of my hand and thought things over. I pressed a few buttons and I saw your name. I took all the pride I'm nursing just to take that big step towards happiness.
That, so far, is the best impulsive decision I came up with which I didn't end up regretting the next day, not even after a month has passed. In fact, with how things are going I think regret will never cross my mind. NEVER. :-)
Loving Monday for the first time,
Shit. Valentine's Day. I've been denying it but I don't know how I can possibly spend that day in the most normal, socially acceptable, and remarkable way possible.
As I sat there, a thought popped into my head. I dug my phone out of the pile of mess inside my bag, let it rest on the center of my hand and thought things over. I pressed a few buttons and I saw your name. I took all the pride I'm nursing just to take that big step towards happiness.
That, so far, is the best impulsive decision I came up with which I didn't end up regretting the next day, not even after a month has passed. In fact, with how things are going I think regret will never cross my mind. NEVER. :-)
Loving Monday for the first time,
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Caught Up in Daydreams
Sitting on an unbelievably comfortable couch with a cup of coffee on my hand, thoughts of you suddenly crossed my mind. I sat there a little longer with my eyes fixed on the pantry doors. In a snap, it felt like the last quarter of 2009 all over again. It's like I'm anticipating you'll walk in any minute, sit beside me, then share your stories of how boring your day is/was/will be.
I had my entirety enveloped in that thought when the doors moved, and someone busted in. That unfamiliar person walked in with a face that is unbelievably cheery considering the fact that it's 3 in the afternoon. No one's supposed to be that alive during that dead hour of the day! I knew right then and there it's not you. It could never be you. You have this aura of ease, lax, and lethargy beaming all over you and it affects me somehow. He didn't have the same thing, I've never found someone else who does. So I stood up but I still had my eyes fixed on that stranger who dared to walk his way in my daydreams of you. It felt as though he invalidated your existence, like he's a giant hand trying to slap me with the reality that you're no longer around.
Hurriedly, I took off and brisk-walked my way back to my cubicle. Immediately, I opened my computer's monitor with the hopes of finding your name on my YM's list. Instead, I got more than what I hoped for. An instant-message, with the phrase I've been wanting to hear.
Then on, I knew I cannot be satisfied nor bothered by any more daydreams. One, two, ten, hundreds, or even thousands of people can try to get in the way of those daydreams but I could never care less. Reality's better anyway. :)
Believing dreams do come true,
I had my entirety enveloped in that thought when the doors moved, and someone busted in. That unfamiliar person walked in with a face that is unbelievably cheery considering the fact that it's 3 in the afternoon. No one's supposed to be that alive during that dead hour of the day! I knew right then and there it's not you. It could never be you. You have this aura of ease, lax, and lethargy beaming all over you and it affects me somehow. He didn't have the same thing, I've never found someone else who does. So I stood up but I still had my eyes fixed on that stranger who dared to walk his way in my daydreams of you. It felt as though he invalidated your existence, like he's a giant hand trying to slap me with the reality that you're no longer around.
Hurriedly, I took off and brisk-walked my way back to my cubicle. Immediately, I opened my computer's monitor with the hopes of finding your name on my YM's list. Instead, I got more than what I hoped for. An instant-message, with the phrase I've been wanting to hear.
Then on, I knew I cannot be satisfied nor bothered by any more daydreams. One, two, ten, hundreds, or even thousands of people can try to get in the way of those daydreams but I could never care less. Reality's better anyway. :)
Believing dreams do come true,