She Used to Be So Sunny

I used to be that sunny, always-grinning-from-ear-to-ear girl. I wonder where that girl is right now. Maybe she got tired of having her brain beat her hopes down every chance it gets. I used to be a loving, trusting, and optimistic person whom people loved having around because of my insightful, positive thoughts. Now I feel like I'm just plain of hateful, doubtful, and pessimistic. I don't like it, not even a tiny bit. Every day seems like an unending battle with my head, and I had to fight with myself to get the happiness I deserve. I don't deserve this misery, and I am not allowing myself to go through such emotional torture. So I guess I need to find a way to refute the claims of my negative inner dialog, never mind the negative thoughts, and let slip the awful past that keeps resurfacing in my head.


[update] I think I know where all these are coming from. I'm not sure if this is just me being shallow, but that unfortunate event from 6 months ago still shatters me, and turned me into this doubtful person I despise being. I still feel extremely violated and cheated and mistreated. Why do I have to go through this? Why am I still hurting? Why does it still feel like my heart is being pinched? WHY?! [/update]