Every Night

I'm the colorless sunrise
That's never good enough
I'm the wind that's in your hair
That ruffles you up
If you can find a reason
You can let me know
I won't blame you
I'll just turn and go

I'm coming home to you
Every night...
Coming home to you
Every night...
My mind is made up
Nothing could change that
I'm coming home to you
Every night...

Just perfect. Thank you, Imagine Dragons!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Because I promised myself I won't be wallowed in the muddle brought forth by adulthood, I never want to forget how to have fun. I've had so much going on in my life right now. What with all the things I'm juggling (career, studies, migration stuff) I deserve this. *hik*

7 Units Shy Of Graduation

I'm officially down to my last two terms in grad school. *fingers crossed* So by this time next year, I should be done ranting about how merciless school is. Although pretty bearable, grad school can be really bitchy especially when your time and work schedule comes in to make things worse. On my second semester in the course, I wanted to strangle myself for all the self-inflicted hard knocks. I was trying to convince myself that I don't really want these; that all these are just ways to boost my ego. But then I realized that most of the things I wanted to pursue were born out of my aim of outdoing myself anyway. And I think there's absolutely nothing wrong about that.

The thing is, I 'd like to take a new course after I'm done with this MA. After taking four years of undergrad studies and two years of MA in the field of IT, I would like to get a breath of fresh air and embrace my long overdue passion frustration -- more about that in the coming months. :)

Amazing Amazon

For the past months, I've had several attempts at getting my own dedicated eBook reader. After weeks of having the "you don't need another gadget" vs "but it doesn't strain my eyes" mental debate, I finally gave in. I explored many different options and finally decided on getting a Kindle over a Kobo or Nook. I'd like to think I'm harmlessly treating my inner bookworm with a good reading doodah.

I spent days sifting through articles about the different Kindle models after finally resolving to getting a Kindle Keyboard 3G. It's not the latest model but I can say that it's the best among Amazon's Kindle family. I wanted to spare myself the disappointment of getting a touchscreen eBook reader because I know I'll end up comparing its responsiveness with my iPad or iPhone. Besides, I opted to get a unit with free global 3G so I can have access to the Internet overseas without the expensive data charges from my network provider. According to Amazon, the experimental browser on the Kindle Touch and Kindle 4 only works over Wi-Fi so there's no way I can use them when I travel.

Verbal Intercourse

This may not surprise you but I am a fan of chitchats. I love how even the most nonsense chatters pave the way for two or more minds to meet. Conversing, in my opinion, is the best way to let people know what's going on inside your brain. As we converse, we do more than express ourselves; we allow others to stimulate and direct our train of thought with their response. Unlike writing or expressing one's self thru arts where the affect and effect travel down a one-way street, a conversation allows us to get a real-time retort.

Conversation is a noun defined as "informal interchange of thoughts" but there's more to conversation than that. It implies a response and requires mutual respect. It is when the conversationalists move each other and reach for a new horizon from their mutual generosity and acceptance. It is an unrelenting rhythmic movement that causes the birth of a new frenzy or a long-overdue perception or a perplexing revelation; registers shift in a rapid or listless motion and tones vary, depending on the notion.

NTS01 : Keep that Edge

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Keep in mind that overcompensating IS overcompensating. Learn to also value yourself. That's not being selfish, that's saving him from all the crap your insecure self may throw at him. You're not the only one struggling here, okay? If you can't handle yourself well, how can you expect him to tolerate you? Common sense, dude!

Put that emotionally sensitive, needy woman at the back of your car and throw her in the river. I don't ever want to see that demanding, paranoid bitch of a girlfriend ever again!

Figure out how you will change. It can be hard to alter your routines but know that you have to do it. Let go of yourself and let go of him if you want it to work. Remind yourself this: "to each his own" Just have the courage to let go and accept the fact that there are things you cannot control. Je ne sais quoi. It is what it is. He deserves to be free and to live his life apart from the world you built. Let him be a part, not a prisoner, of your world. It will be hard, but you can do it. And do it, you must! :-)

Is It So Weird That I Like Strangers?

Every day that I walk my way to the office I come across an average of fifty people. The unbelievable thing is, I find all of them special. I see each one of them as a blank canvas. Unknown to me are the ways of their lives. Although I seem to pre-judge most of them, I still try to see them beyond what my feeble mind can conceive. I see in them a window bursting with tons of opportunities, of endless possibilities. Their unfamiliarity represents unique experiences, memories, and context that I am unaware of. They're like those books without movie adaptations -- there's no way to find out what the story is unless you flip through the pages of their being.

Their strange ways remind me that there's so much I have yet to discover. I love how strangers delicately compel me to acknowledge a peculiar perspective; to accept there is a world outside of mine. I don't stalk people but eavesdropping on someone else's conversations, knowing their interests, and guessing where they came from engross me. Different perspectives enthrall me and that is probably another reason why I love traveling, but that is a different story altogether.

Strangers are brave and real and unbending. They don't feel the need to apologize for who they are because they haven't learned how to be anyone else but themselves, and that's one thing I share with those people I don't even know. Strangers are more than just 'strangers'. I told you, they're special. :-)

When I see someone looking at me and that person walked past me, I feel like that person will never be just another stranger. He or she may have had a first impression of me, but those impressions do not leave me uptight. It's not that sort of first impression you're trying to make with someone whom you know you'll be seeing again at any given day. The first impression I get from strangers, I think, is the most genuine type of first impression. One which you can possibly be judged beyond your defense; one that will force you to re-asses the way you make yourself known. Our family and friends have their own impressions of us, but their views are rather obstructed by the special bond we share. These strangers, on the other hand, can reflect who we are from the other side of the road. Not withholding any emotion, their impressions of us is rather accurate and unabridged.

The Word Game. I Need A Thesaurus.

Probably there are millions of English words, but I wonder why there are so much words used to express joy, bliss, and happiness yet none can really suffice and encapsulate the most exquisite type of pain.

I demand the English language experts to come up with a word that can describe that complicated mental state of loving someone to a great degree that it hurts; when that person is a resident in your thought box but you also loathe them because they treated you wrong; when you have that strong feeling of care for someone who was too weak to be honest with you, at the very least. I don't know what's the word for that, but I feel it anyway.

Isn't there a word for realizing you are worth less than you thought you were? No, 'despair' isn't even too strong a word for this feeling.

Also, I need a word for that feeling when you're just so fed up of being sad, affected, and you just want to give up all those pretend-I'm-alright games but somehow you don't know how to stop being that.

That feeling of having a gaping hole in your chest because you can't accept the fact that you've been done wrong and that other people can never understand how much you're hurting, there should be something in the English dictionary that means just that.

When you feel a sickening twist in your tummy because hints of the bitter past are resurfacing and closing your eyes won't even help you forget because you just tend to see things more vividly with your eyes closed. What's that word again? It should be synonymous with 'misery that drags you on from the insides'. No, it's not 'melancholy'. The word I'm looking for should have a more tragic vibe into it.

There should be a word to describe all these feelings. If there were, it would be easier to tell someone how you feel without having to fall into false pretense because you failed to express how deep-rooted that feeling of grief is.

Milestone

This is such a huge step we're taking and I couldn't be more glad. <3

Mantra

You were born to travel -- to traverse this world with a curious mind, open to the fluttering wonders of viability. For when you expose yourself to the unknown and let your feet land unfamiliar grounds will you truly discover yourself and find your place in this rather bewildering world.

I miss writing. *sigh*

Teach me, master

One day, I will master the art of holding back my emotions, and will thrive at saving myself from looking all gushy, mushy, head-over-heels in love. You do it ever so perfectly.