Last night was nothing extraordinary, except it was anything but ordinary. For me, at least. It happened when I, together with two of my officemates, grabbed a couple of beers before heading home. I guess it's predictable how our talks would turn out so I expected it will all be about work stuff and some personal things that might be bothering us. I'm not sure how we got to that point but we ended up talking about our personal lives with so much interest, passion, and enthusiasm.
You see, both of them are currently single but they had their share of fucked up relationships too. I actually had a hard time trying to talk the bitterness out of them since they concluded I can only see the good side of things because, like what one of them said, "you are in the perfect world".
To make them listen to me, I had to convince them otherwise and let my issues out. So I told them how uncomfortable I am that I'm feeling down whenever my boyfriend isn't around. I hate how needy I am and how overly-dependent I am turning out. I explained that no matter how great my day was, when I don't get to be with him at night to tell him how my day went, I get cranky; and that when my day is all fucked up, just the mere sight of him can make every bad thing that happened that day seem insignificant. I didn't mean to sound so cheesy and inlove, but I guess that's how they heard it. They even told me how that is what's supposed to happen "in the perfect world". So still, they won't take my crap. They deem me as someone who is not in the position to tell them that relationships are really terrifying, because they don't see me struggle. I just wanted to let them know that although it can scare the shit out of you, relationships are worth every little crappy thing you give up to keep it.
After hours of babbling, I got exhausted trying to get some positivity in their heads. But somehow, it felt good. It felt good knowing that I can finally tell people how wonderful it is to be in a relationship, like there's nothing to be afraid of. Perhaps I'm just really blessed to be talking about these things but last night was a very liberating experience for me. I'm not saying that I am in a perfect relationship because perhaps on how the world interprets a "perfect relationship", we may be far from that.
But as far as I'm concerned, in my own personal standards, I am in my happy place and that even things suck up sometimes, this is still my "perfect world". So on my way home, I can't help but smile. I am overflowing with that joy of knowing how blessed I am; of how things couldn't get any better than this; of how every relationship I pursued in the past could never ever compare to what I have right now; of how finally, I'm with that person tailor-made for me.
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