I'll Get There

I read somewhere that the past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased... it can only be accepted.

It's true that what happened in the past cannot be altered or be completely erased but after sometime, it can start to mean less, and hopefully be forgotten. For some, forgetting can come easily but unfortunately some people dwell on it a little longer than usual. It's heartbreaking to realize I am someone who lets the past linger on for a while. Based on my experience, forgetting comes after acceptance. I've tried, in every sense of the word, to understand and process things. One thing I may be doing wrong is resisting it; suppressing every hint of emotion that coincides with the past which is probably the reason why things keep resurfacing in my head. And since it will be very unfair to go around blaming people for my misery, I tend to keep everything inside. I don't want to be regarded as the bitter, weaker one. Unfortunately, things pop up in my head and makes me think how stupid I was and how vulnerable I allowed myself to be, and how easily shaken my core is. Since it succumbs me in a demeaning yet very subtle way, even I don't recognize how affected I still am. Until times like this occur. Times when I start questioning the things I believe in, wondering if I got the facts right or I'm still drowned in deceit. But my friend was right when she told me that I should not let things that I have no control of bother me. Sure she's right, but it's just that there are days when I don't feel brave enough to ACCEPT that things happen beyond my control. Maybe it's because of my stupid pride or because something inside me died that day. Whatever that is, I know I can understand, accept, and overcome it. I just need a little bit more time. :)

Accept the past as past without denying it or discarding it. Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. -- Tuesdays with Morrie #notetoself