Just like how David Sedaris Puts It

Me Talk Pretty One Day

• "When shit brings you down, just say ‘fuck it’, and eat yourself some motherfucking candy."
• "But that’s what fantasies are for; they allow you to skip the degradation and head straight to the top."
  
• "We lacked the ability to think for ourselves and resented having to admit it."
  
• "If you aren’t cute, you may as well be clever."
  
• "At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me."
  

When You Are Engulfed in Flames

• "Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive."
  
• "Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you’re in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can’t be thought of as cute."
  
• "Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto"
  
• "Look at yourself on the day that you graduated from college, then look at yourself today. I did that recently, and it was like, ‘Yikes! What the hell happened?’ The answer, of course, is life..stuff comes up. Weird doors open. People fall into things."