I can only wait for too long.

Waiting is not really my game. Since I've been born, I was used to getting my way at the time I want to. I've been acting really bratty and my friends who know me well can attest to that. Blame it on my impulsiveness and fickle-mindedness. But at this point in my life, there's nothing I can do but to just wait.
My immediate concerns include waiting for my Dada's arrival here in Singapore and the day I'll get to go back to MLA. Believe it or not, I have much too many plans upon my return back home. I've been scheduling mealdates with some HS friends, parties with college buddies, go eat isaw in UP, watch my friend Cha play in the V-League, and the list goes on.
Actually, I've been waiting for something in particular but I just cannot disclose it here. Tsaka na. Why? I don't want to spoil things. I know that the turn-out of events are uncertain yet here Iam, embraced by my wishful thinking and high hopes that what I've been looking forward to is worth the wait. I know, that in a matter of days/weeks/months, I can tell if I have made the right move, said the right things, did the right stuff. Only time can tell. I don't want to ruin everything just because I am not so fond of waiting around.

How Do You Measure Up?

There are days when the pesky side of ours come into the surface and grumbles up everything fine and dandy to everyone's eyes - in short, we feel like we're total slobs. And from there, we wonder what good is left for us to be good enough - if not for other people, for ourselves at least. It's an uphill battle to see good in something or someone when everyone feels or thinks that it's or he's/she's of no good.

Now it boils down to determining what's the boilerplate - what's the measure of someone's worth or something's beauty? We can have a great deal of things to consider in pre-judging something - but nothing seems to prevail out of the bandwagon of how things are supposed to be dealt with. We are always given guidelines, handbooks, measuring sticks. Now, it's about time to put all those down and start using what we thought is an invaluable way of measuring things - our HEARTS. Let's try to close our eyes and use the part of our God-given body that allows us to see beyond what's usual and superficial.

And when you find that someone who looks at you as if you're a shiny new toy because you're all glammed up, ditch him. Go find someone who sees beyond those nifty packaging, who seeks to find what's behind your smiles, who tries to unravel your every thought. Go for someone who aims to discover what is it that would make you prep that million-dollar smile, and someone who prays at night to see himself behind every thought in your brain that he's unravelling. Be with someone who sees what's beautiful behind what's obvious to other's eye. Be with someone who dugs into your brain, seeking for answers to their question of how can someone be lovely enough - and sees that loveliness in you - good mood or bad mood, brushed teeth or not, fixed or messy hair.

Just how Juno's Dad Mac MacGuff would put it:

"The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Now, I don't know what is it that You saw in me. But up until this very moment, I am thankful that You can see beyond what others see. You measure the immeasurable. You consider even the most insignificant details. I am thankful that You loved me despite everything. I am grateful for the love you showed me through the cross. Thank you, Lord. :) I know that in Your unquestionably perfect timing, You will bless my life with a person who would love me under the likeness of Your perfect love. I thank you for that person's life. :)

Cutting it off. Let go of the drama.

Hello there friends, pals, family, foes. Everyone, hi. :)
How are you doing? I had fun during the past 2 days of my life here. Pressure-free living, yes. I did something really stupid the other day. But I have to forget all about it. I realized that there's no much space in my life for dramas - only for dreams. I am cutting loose all those inhibitions. Thanks to the people who made me see that. :)
I'll close the old chapters and write a new book. I have been awakened to several truths so I was able to dug in some rational thinking out of my head and that concludes it all. One step forward, no step back. No more long looking backs, only quick glances. I did what I had to and said what I wanted to and that's more than enough for me. I found out several things that made me come up with a decision in a faster manner. The 'knowledge' came a few hours later though. Sayang.
Say bye to all the dramas. Hello to my dreams that are coming into vast reality. Phew. (:
BTW, Singapore's really helping me out and I can never think of a more perfect place to spend my Summer at. (:
Let's not just hang on for dear li fe. Let's make life dear. (:

Unravel Me – Part I.

For the past nineteen years that I have lived, there were many aspects of my life that I unconsciously built. There are hobbies, interests, relationships of all sorts, and the like. Little did I notice that these things had their adverse effects in my life – inch by inch defining who I am and what I’ll become. Here, I’ll let you open me up. Unravel my thoughts and discern what’s behind my hard-shell.

Being a first born, I was led to make decisions on my own; not worrying if others would be affected by it because I thought people would have to conform to my standards. I practiced that thought for a decade because we had maids who took care of me and somehow, I can always take control of them. So at the time I barely existed for a decade, I felt like the world’s something I get to hold in my hands. The thought of that has been instilled on my mind because at the time I was growing up, I was my Daddy’s little girl who always gets her way. ALWAYS. Ironically, at the time I was in my late Elementary days up until my HighSchool days, I was caught in between being the “grown-up” and being the “baby”. Everyone from our class knew that I was a couple of years younger than they are so they treat me like a little child. I never wanted to be treated my way so I think I had to step up. That’s the case when I’m in school. But when I get home, they treat me like I’m someone old enough to make wise decisions and that I should look after my little brothers. I was confused! Now, things are different. I have to give way to my little brothers’ needs and learn how not to focus solely on the things I thought I needed. I know that you get my point. If you think I’m pertaining to material things, sorry to burst your bubbles but you’re wrong this time. Things are not always about the superficial and tangible things in the world.

As I was growing older, I have met several new people and made tons of friends. Hopping from one place to another meant transferring to different schools. And it is in school that I get to meet people who eventually turned out to be my best buds, pals, friends, or whatever you may want to call them. As a friend, I want to be someone they can count on – bad or good. Happy times or tough times, I want to be someone who’s always there for them. I never wanted to be someone else’s burden. I think that’s when I confuse people. Now I know that being a real friend means sharing your entirety to one another. That’s sort of a big deal for me. It’s not always and to everyone that I open myself up. There are issues, events, and emotions that I choose to share with a handful of people. It’s hard opening up to others. I actually feel a certain pressure when someone chooses to open up his/her life to me because I feel obliged to do the same – and when I fail to do that, they’d think I wasn’t giving our friendship a chance or that I neglect what we have. It’s just that this is how I am. I throw my emotions down the line to certain people I used to share my frustrations with. Everyone knows when I’m happy but not everyone gets to figure out what’s on when I’m in a mishap.

Now you know what’s behind me acting up like a real grown up and a fragile little baby at the same time – being a spoiled brat and a giver – acting bitchy and sweet. And I hope I have provided you with the reason why I don’t just open myself to all my friends. I am sort of protective of my own thoughts and emotions.

Secured.

From now on, I am keeping my heart guarded. I promise. There will be reservations that I will be doing to keep me from being caught off-guard. I will be protective of myself, my emotions, and my ideals - just to keep myself from getting hurt. Still me, only wiser. :)

Now tell me, who'll be able to keep the guards down? IDK either. Let's let time tell that tale. I cannot wait to be inlove all over again. :"> But nevertheless, I will wait for God to send me an angel tailor-made for me. Someone who would incessantly put up with me and my mood swings. :)

God loves me so He'll surely give me the best there is - someone both I and my parents would approve of. The longer the preparation, the more touch of perfection there is. :)